The Hidden Impact of Coercive Parenting: Awareness, Signs, and Recovery
It is not always obvious to spot a coercive parent due to their near perfect personality and standards. They secretly crave grandiose and attention whether this is via victimhood, materialism or a dominant personality. I find them similar to the psychological term a ‘narcissist’. However, this is not to state that people who possess coercive behaviours have narcissism, but the clue for both, lies within their need for control and coercive tactics.
In the year 2025, police attended 49,557 incidents of controlling and coercive incidents in the United Kingom (Womans Aid, 2025).
Increasingly, The Office for National Statistics reported 3.8 million people in the United Kingdom experienced domestic abuse in the year 2023 (Home Office, 2025).
These reporting’s are huge. However, it is worth noting there are also many cases, especially for children, that are never reported or progressed to a police incident. More so, the Domestic Abuse Act 2010 declares that anyone under the age of 16 year old is not defined as a victim of domestic abuse incidents in data or the UK system(UK Parliament, 2021). This is because these children who are classified as higher risk are instead dealt with under child protection or safeguarding. These two protections most likely involve high risk cases and not those undergoing coercive abuse in the family home.
This article will discuss why and how narcissistic parental abuse is hidden and how the victim usually undergoes an awakening process when they start to become aware.
Coercive Control and Parenting
According to the NSPCC, it is very highly likely a child may never be aware that their parent(s) is coercive (NSPCC, 2024) and will accept this type of behaviour as normal in their adulthood.
Coercive control is the hidden emotional and psychological abuse. It is hidden because of how it functions. A person who has undergone a traumatic childhood and grew up with narcissistic parent is more likely to experience coercive control in relationships later in life also.
This is because they have not been taught healthy boundaries, instead when the child tried to express boundaries, they were not accepted by the parent. Instead they were taught to always listen to the parent all of the time and for the parent to be thier voice instead.
The coercive person does not like to accept responsibility for themselves and will blame another person. They like to control other people, as likely they had this stripped of them as a child and then projects this shame out by reclaiming their control of other people. They learned that being out of control is a very bad thing so they always try to succeed in controlling another before it happens to them again.
Overtime to the coercive abuser, this behaviour becomes unconscious. It is then presented in panic attacks and rage when they start to feel out of control. However, it is worth noting that not all people who fear being out of control are coercive — therefore I believe it is due to their thinking patterns and life lived experiences as a child that seems have a larger impact upon the fear of losing control.
It is also likely that the coercive abuser scores high in perfectionism Psychology Today. (n.d.).. This can influence their behaviours and need for control in everything around them including their children. This may look like; controlling their education with reward and punishment, telling the child how to dress, choosing the type of friends the child has, psychiatry pathways and such for example.
The Coercive Parent and Lack of Awareness
They struggle with self awareness and a lack of judgement upon their behaviour. They are often referred to as wearing a mask — this mask is their persona. To the observing person, it becomes obvious they are wearing a mask when they start to become emotionally dysregulated.
Accepting that they are manipulative, intimidating, or abusive can threaten their identity. To avoid shame, guilt, or vulnerability, they may deny responsibility and instead blame others. Maintaining a “good” or “reasonable” self-image becomes psychologically safer than confronting harmful behaviour.
They also use a range of defence mechanisms such as denial, projection , minimisation, rationalisation. These defences reduce internal discomfort and protect them from accountability.
The signs of a coercive parent
The signs of a coercive parent are not always obvious — they usually look like the picture perfect from the outside. They will not take accountability for their actions and will instead project this accountability on to the child or gaslight and say “that did not happen”. More include;
Not accepting the boundary of another. They may play the silent treatment or turn on victim mode when a child sets a boundary or tries to confront them.
Forcing the child to give up self-independence where they rely on the coercive to control them. This may look like seeking validation from the coercive parent only, rather than oneself.
Sexual abuse.
Enmeshment, a close-knit relationship. A controller and codependent.
Isolating the victim so they have no-one else to confide in. Or the victim has to depend upon them for social needs.
Every person who has survived a coercive parent or become aware, has their own personal experiences and acknowledgement of what this includes. The above is a simple example, the list can be quite extensive. However it is worth baring in mind that coercive is not physical abuse.
The Long Lasting Impacts of Coercive Parenting
A UK and Ireland longitudinal study of more than 7,500 children found that children exposed to hostile or coercive parenting at age 3 were 1.5 times more likely to develop high-risk mental health symptoms by age 9 and 1.6 times more likely to develop mild mental health difficulties (University of Cambridge, 2022).
A 2025 BMJ Open analysis of 20,687 adults found that children exposed to verbal humiliation and emotional abuse had a 64% higher likelihood of poor mental wellbeing in adulthood, (Campbell, 2025).
Children who are exposed to coercive parenting are more likely to have complex post traumatic stress disorder.
It can also lead to further domestic, sexual, financial, coercive and violent abusive relationships in teenage years and adulthood as the child has never learnt healthy boundaries and learned to stop using them from a young age. Instead, they adapted into a people pleaser (from keeping the coercive happy in childhood) as they had to walk on eggshells around the coercive parent.
The child may suffer with identity issues as they molded and shaped themselves around the parents idealisations and manipulation. More so, substance abuse can become very likely from a young age due being unable to have psychological independence, so they may start to rebel and display naughty behaviours.
They are likely to end up in mental health pathways with a long-term diagnosis(s) and medications-due to not being aware of the coercive behaviour and trauma they suffered as a child and teenager. Some children struggle to break free from the enmeshment and accept the parent as their controller as they have formed high attachments to their parent(s).
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Reference List — APA 7th Edition
Campbell, D. (2025). Verbally abused children more likely to have poor mental health as adults, study finds. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/aug/05/verbally-abused-children-more-likely-to-have-poor-mental-health-as-adults-study-finds
Home Office. (2021, May 10). Review of the controlling or coercive behaviour offence. GOV.UK. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/review-of-the-controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-offence/review-of-the-controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-offence
NSPCC. (2024, October 31). Protecting children from domestic abuse. NSPCC Learning. https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/domestic-abuse
Psychology Today. (n.d.). The dangers of being a perfectionist. In Perfectionism. Sussex Publishers. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/perfectionism#the-dangers-of-being-a-perfectionist
UK Parliament. (2021). Domestic Abuse Act 2021, Part 1. legislation.gov.uk. https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2021/17/part/1
University of Cambridge. (2022). Harsh discipline increases risk of children developing lasting mental health problems. https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/harsh-discipline-increases-risk-of-children-developing-lasting-mental-health-problems
Women’s Aid. (n.d.). Coercive control. Women’s Aid. https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/